Trust and Surrender

12 December. Day 12.

Luke chapter 12 : 22 – 34

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I can be a real worry pot! Circumstances or situations I find myself in, or choices I have made that have not worked out how I hoped they would, have consequences that can become overwhelming. And at times, all – consuming. There have been times when I have thought that I wouldn’t be able to get through that moment. There have been times when I have not been able to see a way out or to see the well-known ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. There have been occasions when hope has dwindled and fear and panic have set in and the truth of – where there is no light, darkness abounds – is so evident.

Shortly after the emergency birth of our daughter, and my heart surgery which followed that 5 days later, I was learning my new normal. From being totally capable, independent and a go-getter, I was somewhat trapped by the anxiety of having a new prosthetic heart valve, of having my bloods checked every week to ensure that clotting would not occur on this new valve and of moments I had experienced during my lengthy hospital stays throughout 2010. I’d like to share one moment with you:

It was 5 days after my heart surgery, a Friday evening. I had been served dinner of my choice – a chicken pizza. I had slowly placed one then the other hand on opposite shoulders, crossed my arms over my chest, turned onto my side and gently, and very slowly, lifted my body up to a sitting position with my recovering lower abdomen muscles that had just endured a c-section. From a sitting position I stood up, and took the 2 steps to get to the wing back chair next to my bed, in the private ward I had so graciously been placed into. I pulled the hospital table closer and started to eat. Alone. Again. Sometime during my meal, I began to have shortness of breath, and before I knew it, I was battling to breathe. Thank goodness I had moved my nurses bell to the arm of the wing back chair, so I could hit the red button and call for help. A nurse came into my room, looked at me and ran out! HELP! was what I wanted to scream, but could get no air in and definitely no words out! I started to panic! She returned after what felt like forever, with a few more assistants, who promptly picked me up and returned me to my bed and immediately strapped an oxygen mask to my face and began checking my vitals. It was not long before I was breathing again, and medical professionals were checking charts, chatting and keeping a close eye on me. My husband arrived a few moments later and the relief I felt of seeing him was overwhelming – this time in a good way!

The panic I experienced in that moment of not being able to breathe was real. Very real. And I think there are moments in life when the panic we feel is real. Very real. On reflection, this is what I have learnt through this physical experience of panic.

I had to trust. I trusted the nurses. I trusted that they had the knowledge of and know-how of how to implement what was best for me. I relaxed in their care and surrendered to their procedures. And moments later, I was breathing again. As Christians, who know the Lord, we can place our trust completely in Him. He knows all about us, He knows how to help us, and He knows what’s best for us.

I had to surrender. If I had tried to fight the nurses as they carried me to the bed or fight the oxygen mask being placed over my head. Or fight the chart of my liquid consumption that I had to have filled in and checked following this incident, then I probably would not have survived. Trusting in the nurses enabled me to surrender. And so it is with us, we can surrender to the Lord, because we trust in Him! Surrendering is sometimes messy. It can involve tears and uncomfortable procedures (oxygen masks are not enjoyable), but it is worth it.

Jesus is near. When my husband walked in to the room, I felt known, supported and loved. He was literally a call away and came immediately to the hospital. Jesus is always there and is always near. We can just call out to Him and He will come!

9 years later, as I sit and write this, I am facing another situation. I am not quite sure what to do about it and I am not sure how it is going to work out. The only thing I can do is TRUST and SURRENDER and remember that Jesus is near.

I love the way Sarah Young puts it, “Worry is a waste”and Corrie Ten Boom said, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” I can testify to that.

With only 13 more days until Christmas is here, let us (me at the top of the list) Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) Let’s choose to Trust and Surrender.