Throughout the Bible, God’s people celebrated. They built altars of rememberance. They held festivals. They feasted together. This post is a celebration. A marking of a moment. An appreciation of what is.
My journey to motherhood was also my journey to my new physical heart.
Dreaming of being a mom, having toys and creative stuff organised like I’d always organised my classrooms (teachers you know what I mean), and growing a child who would participate in everything I’d lay out before her was my real desire.
But life happened. Trauma happened. A threshold I didn’t choose.
And some days I’m still reeling from the effects of it.
Our expectations often cloud reality, and then make reality disappointing. A let down. A not-good-enough.
I had expectations to be radiant and glowing during my pregnancy.
I radiated pain and glowed inflammation.
I had expectations to kit out and decorate my nursery.
Our cot was still flat packed in bubble wrap the day our daughter arrived.
I had expectations to have a natural birth.
I had an emergency caesar.
I had expectations to breast feed my baby.
I could barely hold her to my chest without a pillow for weeks after she was born and was forced to bottle feed her from 4 days old.
When I look back now and consider these things, a sense of sadness creeps into my heart, but just as quickly, an overwhelming sense of gratitude clouds the despair. The bottom line is that my baby girl nearly lost her mom at one week old, and that I could’ve lost my baby girl, if things hadn’t happened the way God orchestrated them to.
So GRATITUDE is my song!
THANKFULNESS is my mantra!
APPRECIATION for all that IS is my melody!
Now my expectation is to be present.
To enjoy the moment. To let things sometimes be disorganised. To enjoy the mess. To plan wonderful adventures and enjoy the haphazard outworking of them. To love my daughter with every fibre of my being – whether she’s walking in my dreams for her, or still figuring out her own. To live and teach her about Jesus. The one who saved both of us physically and who has saved both of us for eternity. To be the mom God created me to be, knowing that I’m the best mom for Cianna Hope.
Today I am grateful for the gift of motherhood. For my journey to motherhood. For my continued journey of motherhood.
And I’m grateful for the gift of heart surgery that’s allowed me to be here today. For my journey to here and for my continued journey of life here. I’m grateful for the hope of life with Jesus and I’m grateful for God’s goodness!
Happy mothers day to you beautiful mom’s!
Squeeze your children lots today!
hope of heart 